“Eeee, aye,” Jay Leno says, “We got a great show for you tonight.” He looks over at his band leader and is stunned it’s still not Doc Severson… whatever happened to that dapper trumpet player.

Jay stands behind his desk, “My first guest is a real treat. I honestly can’t believe he came here… very risky. Eee, hah! Can you Doc? Er… ee’yeah, Kevin?” When Jay turns to look at the band, his chin bumps his desk. “Ooooo. Ee’yeah!”

“I can’t either!” Kevin says, picking at his guitar. “This guy’s got more talent in his body then I got in my little finger. Incredible!”

Jay furrows his brow for moment, then says, “Eee-yah!” His button nose crinkles as he laughs. “Well… let’s just say another late night show,” Jay puts a rigid hand next to his non-existent lips and whispers to the camera, ‘it rhymes with ‘avid ettermen’,” Jay straightens up, “let him get away. So, please… let’s give a warm welcome to Brian_Ohio!” Jay swings his arm around, inviting the audience to applaud; he catches his chin with his elbow and nearly knocks himself over.

When Brian peeks around the curtain… he can’t believe it. The crowd… they’re clapping. For real. And his mom… she’s actually awake, digging through her purse and not paying attention, but she’s awake.

With a new smugness, Brian saunters across the stage.

Jay takes Brian’s hand and shakes it. The host leans in and whispers, “Blah, blah, blah.” Brian always wondered what they said during those first moments of contact with the guest.

“Blah, blah, blah,” Brian returns; Jay tilts his head back, laughing as if Brian_Ohio just told him the funniest joke ever. Jay steps behind his desk and offers Brian the chair.

“Eeee… yah!” Jay says again.

The crowd continues to applaud; Brian’s mom blows her nose into a McDonald’s napkin, the one he'd had signed by Mark Henry. How'd she get that?. Brian could definitely get used to this… compared to that other show, this is da bomb!

After the crowd sits, Brian adjusts himself, all cool like, and gives Jay his undivided attention.

“So… Brian_ohio… you’re a cover model or something.” Jay’s gray hair is puffed out nicely.

Brian chuckles, covering his mouth with a curled index finger, “Well, Jay… I’ve been told, more than once, that I should have taken up that career.”

“Oh. So you don’t model. Eee-ya, then what do you do?”

“Well… Jay, I’m a writer.” Brian has never felt so at home, so comfortable actually pronouncing his desired profession. It seems so real.

“Oooh.” Jay looks over at Kevin, “See, Branford… er, Kevin, he’s famous.” Back at Brian, Jay asks, “What books of yours would the audience be familiar with?” Jay leans back in his chair.

Suddenly Brian has to pee. “Um.” He bites his lower lip, tugs an eyebrow, chews his nails… it had been going so well, too.

“Wait!” Jay says, glancing at his note cards. “I see you’ve got a book, Cupid in the Realm of Purpose, out on submission with some really talented editors. Plus another one in your brilliant agent’s hands. Plus you’re writing another one. Wow!”

The audience breaks into applause; Brian catches his mother pressing her gum under her seat.

As a warm, fuzzy feeling flutters over Brian’s skin, he can only nod. The Tonight Show actually gets it. They understand him. This is too good to be true.

After the audience takes their seats again, Brian says with tears brimming, “That’s right, Jay. All of it. Thank you.” Brian smiles, something he rarely will ever do. Especially in public. And on camera.

“And you’ve got a little snippet from your latest book, The Off-Blue Lagoon,” Jay scratches his chin… with his knee.

“Yeah! I do. I was a little down yesterday, but managed six pages.”

Brian nearly soils himself when the audience erupts in yet another standing ovation. Kevin Eubanks whips the band up, breaking into a unique rendition of ‘Can’t Touch This!’ Brian, immersed in the moment, stands and does his best MC Hammer. Luckily he wore his overly baggy pants. And he’s pretty good.

It’s the moment Brian dreamed of… beyond his dreams.

Until a screech of feedback blasts out of the speakers. Cymbals crash, people scream, Jay looks around confused, Brian halts his dancing…

After a few seconds, silence fills the auditorium. All except Brian’s mom who’s telling the lady next to her about her upside-down tomato plant.

Then… a familiar voice crushes Brian’s heart.

“Hee, hee,” David Letterman steps from the side of the stage, “Gimme back my guest, Jay!” Dave throws a pencil at Jay; the Tonight Show host ducks just in time, the pencil hits the carpet. Glass shatters.

***************To be continued****************