In case you missed it, The list of prizes and Episode One and Two of this summer's season of The Hardly Boys can be found here.

Episode 1 - http://brian-ohio.livejournal.com/98113.html

Episode 2 -   http://brian-ohio.livejournal.com/2008/07/08/

As always, if you don't like me using you in this story, please send me an LJ message and I will remove you. It's all for fun.

I hope this isn't getting sickeningly boring, I'm trying to keep the story interesting, the action tight.

The Hardly Boys (continued)

“How do you fight fire, Andy?” Barney Fife paces in front of the sheriff’s desk. The Hardly Boys sit in a couple of chairs to the side, legs crossed, lookin’ oh-so-fine.

“With a hose?” Andy retorts.

“With fire!” Barney snaps.

“Can I get some grub?” barrieincaasks from one of the cells.

“Yeah… we’re starvin’,” lindsey_leavittadds.

The sheriff stands, “Aunt Bee’s a comin’ with some fried chicken.” Andy rubs his pot belly. “For us. For you jaywalkers, she’s got mush. Cold mush.”

“We weren’t jaywalking,” m_stiefvatersays, hands clasping the iron bars.

“Yeah,” queenoftheskiessays from the cot. “We were waved across the street by that good for nothin’ deputy of yours. Then he arrested us.”

Andy gives Barney a look, walks over to him, and punches him in the jaw. Barney goes down like coleslaw at a family picnic.

The Hardly Boys stand, their toned, muscular legs rippling.

“Where’s Goober, sheriff?” Eyeball asks.

“Yeah,” Superfly scratches at the dried blood on his shirt.

“Why… he went back to Wally’s. Gomer had to use the facilities and someone has to work the pumps with all you writers in town.”

“Can we borrow your cruiser, sheriff?” Eyeball asks.

“Ya shore can,” Andy tosses the keys. Then kicks Barney on the floor, the skinny man moans.

“Hey Hardly Boys. We want our food!” alchemuseis widdling a piece of wood in the cell.

The station door opens, “Helllooooo!” A high pitched voice sings as a hippy lady backs into the courthouse. Aunt Bee has a picnic basket of goodies.

“The caged heat… er,” Superfly bites his lip, “I mean... the ladies in the cells are hungry.”

“Please, Aunt Bee!” stacia_kaneis on her knees, hands clasped at her chest.

“Ooooooh,” Aunt Bee puts the basket on the sheriff’s desk. “you scum can have what’s left. Annnddddyyyy!”

“Come on, Superfly!” Eyeball dashes out the door, leaving the LJ women crying in their cells.

The Hardly Boys leap in through the windows of the sheriff’s car. Eyeball slips in the key and punches the gas. They fly down the street, a block, and stop at Wally’s filling station.

“Superfly.” Eyeball leans back in the driver’s seat, his police-issue shades look stunning on him. “It’s apparent someone is trying to fix the Liver Journal of the Year Award by taking out the judges.”

“You just said Liver,” Superfly laughs. Laughs like a sick chicken.

“No I didn’t.” Eyeball tips his sunglass and scrutinizes his brother.

“You did to… Look up a few lines.”

Eyeball glances up the story, “Okay. Okay. I said Liver… but you know what I meant. Spell check wouldn’t find that anyway. Now… if we don’t save Goober. All is lost, Superfly.” Eyeball grabs his brother by the collar and yanks him to within kissing distance. “All. Is. Lost.”

“Do I detect a bit of minty freshness?” Superfly asks, then plugs his nose. “No. Unfortunately I don’t.”

They squirt out of the car into the parking lot of Wally’s. An outhouse is sitting nearby, from within it they can hear the operatic voice of Gomer. Cars line the pumps… cars filled with LJ users on their way to the conference.

“Hey Hardly Boys,” tltrentwaves from her Mustang Convertible, Girls on Film blasting from the stereo. In the back are superwench83and afraclosedancing and hooting about. tmthomasis walking around the parking lot with a handful of bead neckless. Offering to throw them. So far only sewedelhas on any beads, he's tucking in his shirt.

“There’s Goober,” Eyeball points.

Wearing his Jughead hat, Goober is filling up a Pinto driven by dcimmwith bevhalein the passenger seat. The gas tank on the car is clearly exposed under the bumper... one good bump and... Bam!

The Hardly Boys scurry towards Goober but are stopped by one angry candycana. “Gomer’s been in the john for nearly half an hour. I’ve got a car filled with ladies that have to go.” She points at her Volkswagon beetle. In the back are maprilynne, cathschaffstump, kimmiepoppins, lkmadiganand marsha_brantley. Oh… and rhondastapleton tucked up by the speakers.

Superfly scratches his head, bits of white drift down like snow. “How’d you fit all of them…” before he can finish, kaerfeland stormywritingsqueeze out from between the others in the Beetle backseat, too.

“Could you please get Gomer out of there?” jmprinceasks from her moped with frilly things on the handlebars.

Goober is heading into the station with a handful of money.

“Okay.” Eyeball says. The Hardly boys move to the port’o’john.

“Bringing in the Sheaves… bringing in the sheaves.” Gomer’s voice is spot on with the gospel song.

“Gomer!” Superfly knocks on the door. “Gomer!” Flies buzz all around the blue rectangle of the bathroom. The smell is nearly noxious.

“I got a bad feeling about this,” Eyeball says.

“You stole that line for Star Wars. And Indy’s latest, which I loved.” Superfly’s shirt is spotted with fresh blood. His nipple is really bleeding now. Weird.

A scream comes from the station.

“I knew it!” Eyeball races to the building.

Inside the dank little office, kazdreameris standing over a dead Goober.

“E’lo, Me bakaclava ‘as gone barmy,” the Brit says.

“What?” Eyeball uses his fingers to clean his ears. He actually comes out with the end of a Q-tip he’d lost a few days ago. And a jelly bean.

“The blighter bung caned ‘imself,” kaz stammers.

“Superfly,” Eyeball kneels down to Goober. “Translate that for me.”

“I believe she said her knee caps are obtuse and moths are truly scrumptious.”

“Ugh!” Eyeball puts his ear to Goobers lips. Nothing. He spots a lug wrench lying nearby.

“What happened?” robinellensteps from behind a desk covered with old copies of High Times.

Eyeball rotates Goober’s head… on the back is a lump the size of a good-sized lump created from a lug wrench.

“Goober’s dead,” Eyeball falls to his buttocks. “What were you doing back behind the desk?”

“Um… nothing,” robinellen says.

“Sounds reasonable to me,” Superfly steps aside so others can enter the office.

allycatophileasks, “Is Gomer out of the can?”

“Look!” Superfly points at the wrench. “Something’s written on it.”

“Of course… there has to be a clue or this part of the story is pointless.” Eyeball hoists the wrench and reads. “Fantasy.”

“The Aldo Nova song,” goadingthepensays. “A classic.”

“I love that song,” sarah_prineasstarts to sing it. Glass shatters. Dogs howl.

Tires screech out front. From the station, the Hardly Boys watch a Segway veering back toward the Mayberry Motel. A cloaked figure at the helm, the black fabric glistens in the bright sun.

“Back to the car, Superfly. Barney’s life is in danger. He’s the last judge alive.”

The Hardly Boys slide gracefully through the windows of the police car. Eyeball slams it into drive and does a U-turn just as the port-o-john door opens and Gomer appears.

“Citizen’s Arrest!” Gomer shouts, chasing after the Hardly Boys. “Citizen’s Arrest!”



Final Episode Next Tuesday, July 22. You may guess who is the murderer on that day. I'll reveal the culprit on Wednesday. Then Thursday will by my last post until after Conestoga. I'll have SOOOOO much to Post after that you'll get sick of it.

Oh... And this Thursday, July 17, tune in for Leon Lipton's fantastic interview with fandoria. It's a keeper. Leon's never been so hairless.