Before we begin, do I have to mention that, today, Melissa Marr’s Ink Exchange and Jeaniene Frost’s One Foot in the Grave arrive in bookstores? Huh? Do I have to? Paaalease! You know you’re runnin’ out to get them at lunch anyway, so I’m not even goin’ to bother talkin’ about them. No, sir. I will not keep repeatin’ that Ink Exchange and One Foot in the Grave come out today. Uh, uh. Not me. I won’t lambaste you all with the news about Ink Exchange or One Foot in the Grave. Count me out of that promotion, baby. No siree. I will not… NOT bring up Ink Exchange or One Foot in the Grave again. I’m my own man.

 

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Now… it’s time for the first Live Journal Mystery Theater. If I use you in this story and you are not comfortable with it, please let me know and I will redact you from the prose. This is only meant for fun… I don’t want to cause anyone unnecessary pain, God knows we all get enough of that in other aspects of our lives.

 

So, sit back and enjoy Part 1 of a multi-part* series called ‘Live Journal Mystery Theater’ starring many of my Live Journal friends**.

 

* I’m not sure how long this will be, depends on if it sucks or not. I'm writing it off the top of my head. Really. I am.

** If I don’t use you, it’s only because I have too many other characters or I don’t know you well enough yet. Don’t cry, fret or threaten me, I’ll get you into the next one. If there is a next one.

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Part 1

            brian_ohio strolled about the conference room; he swaggered like Clint Eastwood if he ever appeared on ‘What Not to Wear’. The room was packed with Live Journal users, most of them were women and the chitchat was ear piercing. Wow! Brian thought dinner with his wife and daughters was bad. Whew!

            Still, a few men were present tmthomassat on the floor, legs crossed while he lathered on sunscreen for an afternoon by the pool… his Speedo was calling him. mdhenrycowered in the corner, mela_lyn  stood over him, going on and on about possible promotions for his book.

            Lot’s of successful authors were present as well. tltrent  sat near the door with slwhitman, tltrentwas trying to convince her editor that Duran Duran, the original lineup, would be a perfect opener for her next book tour. She’d even be willing to share a room with a few of the members.

            The Live Journal users were gathered here, in the Toledo Red Roof Inn, for a reason. Not to discuss books, or writing or even barrieinca’s chameleons. No… they had come here to commit murder. All of them… together.

            And that’s exactly what they had accomplished a mere half hour ago.

            Brian could still hear the screams, could still picture goth_huntress  swearing up and down while legionfalcon readied the Giant Eagle recyclable plastic bag… the murder weapon of choice.

            The victim? Well… if you don’t know than you probably shouldn’t even be reading this story. It’s ljuser_zero. He needed to be offed. He hardly posted anymore, and when he did, it was rarely worth reading. Seriously. The guy was MIA. And he called himself Superfly. Flies were at least irritating… ljuser_zerowas barely that. So it was decided that he needed to be taken out.

            “Psst, Brian?” It was dcmm. Brian was surprised she even showed up, considering the way she abandoned live journal.

            “Yeah?” Brian adjusted his crooked ball cap and plopped a couple of pumpkin seeds into his mouth. He was the very essence of cool. ladyeyenormally stood behind him massaging his shoulders, but she was babbling with leilanirosebabout interior designs. How could they talk about such arbitrary stuff when a dead body was only a room away?

            “What are we going to do with ljuser_zero?” dcmmchewed on a bit of her hair. Brian noticed split ends galore.

            “Chop and bury. Chop and bury.” Brian allowed the saltiness of the pumpkin seeds to infiltrate his taste buds. He’d never felt so alive.

            “Huh?” kzeeasked, staring at her finger.

            Brian groaned, “We cut him in pieces and put him in a shallow grave.”

            kzeestill stared at her finger, “No… I was talking to myself. I was sure I had an ear plug in my ear, yet my finger came up empty. Weird.”

            Brian rubbed his face; he couldn’t believe these people weren’t taking this seriously.

            A scream shattered the chatter. tlcadencepointed at the doorway.

            “He’s alive!” reneesweet  shouted, she used raveldaas a shield.

            ljuser_zeroswayed at the conference room entrance, the remnants of the Giant Eagle recyclable bag hung from his enormous ears. Boy did he have big ears. Geez! Suddenly his body crumpled to the floor… but he was very much alive.

            brian_ohiorushed forward and locked the door. He scanned the group with piercing eyes.

            “Okay… who was it?”

            “What?” amanda_marroneasked, finally looking up from her latest edits. “Who was what?”

Brian crossed some pretty muscular arms over his chest. “Someone here has committed a crime. The crime of resuscitation. They’ve saved ljuser_zero! And I’m going to find out who is responsible.”

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            The end of Part 1. Stay tuned for Part 2 next Tuesday. Here’s a sneak peak.

 

            “I taught Grover CPR last week,” carriejoneswhispered to melissa_writing.

            “A Muppet?” melissa_writingtook a picture of carriejones’s forehead. “But a Muppet couldn’t revive ljuser_zero.”

            “But… look at his lips… I think that’s blue fuzz.”