Much like the 'How Many Licks' Tootsie Pop conundrum...

 

How many times do you have to read your manuscript before THIS happens?

First of all, a VERY happy birthday to my buddy (and a great beta reader) reneesweet  !!!!!

 

Top Five Strangest Christmas Albums EVER!!!

5.
 
 

4.
 
 

3.
 
 

2.
 
 

1.But the BEST Album Cover of ALL TIME!!!!
 

( And the Winner Is... )

 

AVATAR And I can't even begin to tell you how much I LOVED it! I am totally BLOWN AWAY! James Cameron is a genius... I don't know how he could even begin a project like this. Where do you start? It is amazing!

Sure, the most basic plot of the movie is a redo of many movies before... but the secondary plots, the layering, the world... are so original... I am without speech!

You could stop the movie at nearly any scene... and it would be a glorious piece of art. It is that beautiful. The detail, the creatures, the plants... I'm just... man!
 
I could go on and on... but really, you must just see it. In 3D. I'm going to see it again. No doubt about it. Like nothing you've ever seen before.

5. Socks
  

4. Slim Whitman's 20 Greatest Hits 

 

3. Nose Blowing Toilet Paper Hat. 

 

2. The Urinal Golf Club (Yep... you pee in it, but it just looks like you're setting up a shot).

  
 

And the Number One Worst Christmas Present
 

( WORST PRESENT... )

So... I'm sure you've all heard about MTV's new show called 'The Jersey Shore'. And, I'm sure you all know about one of the stars of the show; 'Mike - The Situation'

    

When Mike takes off his shirt... there's 'a situation'. (Hence, the nickname).

Well... When I was younger, I had a nickname too. I was called; 'Brian - The Victimization'

 

Because when I took off my shirt... bystanders felt victimized.

A CHRISTMAS COOKIE POLL

When it comes to giving my mom the perfect present, I'm on top of things. Last year I gave her this....


 


The year before I gave her this...
 

 

But one Christmas stands above all the others. I was just a wee lad, but I saved and saved and saved and bought my parents that special 'Brian' gift. I also included a gift certificate to a local photographer so they could have their picture professionally taken wearing my presents. I keep this photo on my night stand.
 


( My Mom... her expression... it brings a tear to MY eye. Priceless. )( Read more... )

I SO BADLY want to go to the midnight showing of AVATAR on Thursday Night, but I believe it would be wrong to have my middle daughter (the only person in my house who will go with me) miss school for a movie.

So we're going on Friday afternoon. *jumping around like Herman Munster* Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

I've heard a lot of people say it looks stupid or the blue creatures are Smurfs.... but I don't give a Rat's Patoot. No one puts more of himself into a movie than James Cameron. The guy is a creative (and mad) genius. A great story teller. I will come out of this move inspired!

The scenes from the movie blow me away. The trailer gives me chills. Last night they showed a commercial for AVATAR, along with some of the reviews so far... and I got the goose bumps.

Very rarely does a movie get me so excited. This was how I felt before The Dark Knight. Friday can't get here soon enough.

I'm trying to show my daughters that all the material things they want don't really matter. Sure, they're going to get a few presents for Christmas, they always do. But I want them to understand that all the THINGS they buy or collect throughout their life are basically meaningless.

It's the things they'll take with them when they close their eyes for that last time that matter most. Those are the ones they should strive for and collect. Things like joy, love, laughter, kindness and generosity.

And I'm happy to say they all seem to understand this concept. I asked them the other day if they'd like to go snow tubing with the whole family. It'll cost about a hundred bucks, so that would mean less presents under the tree. They all unanimously said, 'Let's go Tubing!'. It's something they'll carry with them forever (and beyond).

I was talking with my middle daughter the other day about this kind of stuff. I asked her, 'Would YOU rather laugh, or would you rather make YOUR FRIENDS laugh?' Without a pause, she said 'make my friends laugh'. She's a great kid. I'm proud of all of them.

For many of us on the planet (especially me), it takes a long time to understand that making others happy - watching our kids smile and laugh - is all that we need. All that we want.

That's all I want for Christmas. A happy family willing to give that happiness away to others. And I think that's what I'm going to get. Again and again. And I bet all of you reading this will get the same thing.

Hope you're all having a wonderful Holiday Season so far.

I posted this picture on my Twitter yesterday. But I just love it.

You know when you're sitting at the keyboard, typing away, letting the words flow out of you. Maybe they're flowing like Niagra Falls, maybe a running faucet, or even a simple drip is a good thing. Whatever the case... your producing and your happy about it.

Then IT shows up. Yeah. IT. We've all got one. That little coniving creature spouting nothing but negativity.

It freaks me out when mine appears. It comes right out of the manuscript. Pushing its way through the paper. It looks something like this...



Then it scuttles up my arm and perches on my shoulder and begins to whisper mean things in my ear. Things like...

"You suck!"

"No one will read this!"

"You haven't Twittered in a while!"

"You're no writer!"

"Your bald spot is getting bigger!"

Then... when I glance over at it... it's giving me the 'loser' sign! I HATE that thing! I want to squash it! Kill it! Make it pay!

But how?

Usually, when this thing appears, I can ignore it or simply wait it out. But right now... I don't have that kind of time. I need this little bastard out of my life! Immediately!

So... what are some good ways to defeat IT?

And what do you call IT?

Anyone Watching Survivor? Something is happening on that show that I have tried to include in a few of my manuscripts.

You see... there's this contestant named Russell.



He supposed to be the villian. And at first... I hated him. Dumping out canteens and playing the other contestants for fools. But as the weeks went by... things changed. Now I find myself rooting for him. Hoping he'll survive another week.

It's not easy transforming a villian into someone the reader will cheer for. But, at least for me, Survivor has accomplished just that.

Oh. And I found a good article on Becoming a better Writer. Here...

http://cbiclubhouse.com/2009/11/four-steps-to-becoming-a-better-writer/

Nothing shocking... but it's all good stuff we need to be reminded to continue to do. I do love this quote though...

And those who see writing as a skill that is never quite mastered, requiring a lifelong devotion to the learning process, will be most successful.

Four Steps to Becoming a Better Writer

Nov 30th, 2009 | By Laura Backes | Category: The Writing Process
Great writers aren’t born – they’re made. Here are some of their secrets.
I was recently asked "Can I get published as a children’s book author if I’m not a good writer?" I was caught off guard at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I appreciated the question. The sender is aware of her limitations, but dreams of getting published anyway. She’s not suffering under the delusion that she’s the next J.K. Rowling, and I appreciate that. She’s going to look at her work with a critical eye, and search for ways to make it better. This is assuming that it’s possible to learn to write well. I believe that it is.

Very few writers have the natural ability to create vibrant, relevant, compelling stories right out of the gate. Most have to work at it. And those who see writing as a skill that is never quite mastered, requiring a lifelong devotion to the learning process, will be most successful. Where this gets tricky is that unlike other skills – such as baking a cake – there is no foolproof way to learn how to write. So while I can’t give you a one-size-fits-all method, I can offer up some ideas on how you can find the path that works best for you.


Read, read, read. Why are editors always telling aspiring authors to read piles of children’s books? Because they provide a concrete representation of what works. Be sure you read good books (check reviews or ask a librarian or teacher for recommendations). By simply reading, you’ll grasp the ebb and flow of a story, how a character is introduced and developed, the types of conflicts appropriate for each age group, how to build tension in scenes and chapters, the relation of sub-plots to the main storyline, how dialogue moves the plot along, and much more. You’ll experience firsthand how a skilled author utilizes sensory images to immerse the reader completely in the story. By comparing several authors writing for the same age group, you’ll hear different literary voices.

I suggest reading books similar to those you wish to write, as well as books one level younger and one level older. So, if your goal is to write a middle grade mystery for ages 8-12, also read mysteries for ages 7-10 and 10-14. In this way, you’ll become educated about precisely what makes up a middle grade novel and how it’s different from fiction for older and younger readers. You might even discover that your story isn’t really for middle grades after all.

Another reason for checking out a lot of quality books is that you need a yardstick against which to judge your own work. You’ll learn which "rules" can’t be broken and those that have a bit of wiggle room. For example, you’ll be hard pressed to find a 60-page picture book in the stores, even by a well known author. If your picture book’s that long, you’ll have no choice but to rework the story and fit it into 32 pages. However, you can experiment with unconventional characters and unexpected viewpoints. And the older the reader, the fewer rules apply. But no matter what you do with your plot, characters or writing style, make sure you know why you’re doing it. Don’t write the story in present tense unless it needs to unfold in real time for the reader. Don’t incorporate flashbacks unless they’re vital for understanding what’s going on in the story now.


Find a system that’s right for you. The first step toward learning to write is figuring out the best way for you to learn. Some authors I know are very left-brained; they love charts and graphs and lists. They thrive on tracking their scenes and plotting out their book on every level before they start to write. Those left-brainers will study published books and count the words per page, note which scene contains the plot’s catalyst, chart out where the tension rises and falls in each chapter. Others prefer to learn more intuitively. They read books, absorb the different writing styles, and maybe jot down a few notes with overall impressions or key points they want to remember. They have a general idea of where their own story is going, and aren’t afraid to experiment and take detours along the way.

If you’re not sure where you fall on the spectrum, try different approaches and see what feels right. Remember that there is no one way of doing this, and every method has its pros and cons. Plotting out your story beforehand can prevent you from wandering off track, but the lists can become an evasive technique to keep you from actually writing the book. Letting the words spill onto the page with no grand plan feels very creative, but usually results in huge first drafts that have to be significantly trimmed and shaped. If you write long enough you’ll discover your weaknesses and devise ways to work around them. Maybe you outline first, then put it away while you write your first draft. Maybe you lay out your scenes on a plotline after each chapter, then revise as needed before moving on to the next chapter. If your dialogue tends to wander in circles before coming to the point, you’ll learn to get it on paper and then tighten it in the second draft.


Recognize your strengths. Some authors are brilliant nonfiction writers but are unable to sell a fiction story. Others write wonderful picture books but are overwhelmed by all the layers to a novel. Instead of trying to force a style that isn’t you, start with what you’re naturally good at. You don’t have to publish fiction to be a successful author. You may dream of writing picture books, but if you have a knack for relating to teenagers, maybe young adult novels are your future.
Uncovering your strengths involves experimenting with differnt writing styles and age groups. If you don’t know where to start, think about the kinds of children’s books you most like to read. Then fiddle around with writing dialogue or scenes for the same age group. If you’re naturally drawn to nonfiction, make a list of topics that excite you. Start by writing about one of the subjects in the style of some of your favorite children’s magazines.


Practice, Practice, Practice. Over the years I’ve worked with writers who have gotten published through sheer force of will. They’ve gone over manuscripts again and again, taking them from mediocre to polished. They’ve set aside ideas that simply didn’t work and turned to something new. And they never submitted the first or second draft to an editor, because those manuscripts could always be improved. They weren’t very good writers when they began, but they learned. And you can too.

My youngest has been on a role with some funny quips:

1.) She's had bad gas lately (and isn't afraid to show it) so we got her some over-the-counter stuff to help combat it. After tooting, she whispered in my ear, "I think I need some X-Gas."

2.) She loves The Killers. Mr. Brightside played on my CD, she sang along. After that a Crosby, Stills and Nash song (Wasted on the Way) came on and she put her hands to her head and said, "Oh... the pain, the pain. Turn it off."

Maybe she's been watching reruns of Lost in Space, it was a pretty good Dr. Smith impression.

Santa:

My history with Santa isn't good. I posted a picture the other day of my brother and I on Santa. Well, I went through the old family photo album and found a trail leading to my unease around the big guy.

Me: Age 1-1/2

Me: Age 2-1/2

Me: Age 3-1/2

Me: Age 4-1/2

Fed up, the next Christmas my mom loaded me up in the car, promising to take me someplace that would make me very happy.

She took me here:

Me: Age 5-1/2

I believe I heard my mom coin the phrase, "I can't win," that day.

My mind has been preoccupied by this Chemistry Equation lately. I'm not a mathematician, and I've never played one on TV (I did portray Einstein in a school play once, Greg Einstein - a lawn mower salesman working the Arctic Circle).

Still... this problem has really plagued my dreams. I think I figured it out.

Here... let me show you an example of how these things are figured out.



So... I'm working with these two chemicals...

( + )/3 = ?

(H1N1 + A1)/3 = ?

I spent hours on the chalkboard...



It came down to rearranging the letters in the proper elemental order. When I divided by 3, I was able to eliminate the integer. FINALLY...


( The Answer... )( Read more... )

I woke up at like 2:30 a.m. last night with a headache. Stress and worry... hoping I can edit/revise and deliver my book to meet the expectations of a few certain others.

So I turned on the TV. Not much on at that hour, but I found The Brady Bunch. The episodes where they go to Hawaii. Classic! Right?

Anyway... as I was watching... a thought struck me. It was honestly a moment of horror. Terror. I couldn't believe I actually thought it. But I did. I mean... I know I'm a bit older and wiser now, but still... how could I think such a thing.

My disturbing thought: In the right lighting, one of the cast members looked sort of attractive to me. Dare I say 'hot'.



How does she get her hair to stay like that?

I know Alice would be (and still is) attractive to many, many men... but I'm of the Marcia generation... how could I allow my mind to go there? That'd be like my wife turning on All in the Family and getting the tingles from Archie Bunker. Or Meat Head.

I chalk it up to the anxiety.

1. Had a good Thanksgiving. A good weekend. Though I am ready to get back to work tomorrow... I'm the only one in my office so I'll get some peace and quiet.

2. I'm revising still. Lots to do. The wife and kids have been very gracious in letting me work a lot this weekend. Amazing what an editorial letter or two will do to inspire your family to leave you alone. Turns out I will have two seperate versions of this book now. At times I'm very stressed and panicked about all of it. I NEED them to be great!

3. I didn't go shopping on Black Friday, though I did order a few presents online. A few of my relatives went out at 2:00 a.m. in the morning, found the lines at Old Navy too long, so went back home.

4. I let my oldest twin daughters drive me yesterday. Both did very well. I forget how much there truly is to pay attention to when driving. They get overwhelmed. And we haven't even introduced the radio to them yet.

5. I know it's a little early for Christmas Cards, but my good friend David always sends his out so early. I got mine in the mail yesterday.

EDIT:
Sorry, I removed the photo of David Hasselhoff. I just found out he was taken to the hospital, suffering a seizure. I hope he's okay.
( An Early Christmas Card from David... )

I love Thanksgiving! So much fun, so much food. Sitting at the kid's table and goofing off. Watching the original King Kong. Fighting over the wishbone. Basking in the smell of roasting turkey. Mm, mm... good, good times.

So, of course I found some old photos of Thanksgivings gone by.

1. Here I am giving my date my sexiest look. (Yeah... I dated when I was 9 years old... I mean, look at me. I'm a stud). It's not easy pulling that look off with a turkey leg in my hand. But it worked! (See photo 2.)



2. Oh. You don't believe me. Well... here's my date's reaction to that now-patented look.



3. Here's my dad getting ready to cut the bird. Not sure why he always stripped down to his skivvies to do it. But my one cousin started to pick up on that tradition. (see photo 4.)



4. As I mentioned above, my cousin followed my old man's example. This is the year my cousin ruined the whole day for everyone. The house cleared out before dessert.



5. And, of course, the next day my mom would take me and my brother to see Santa. We loved it!!!!

A good LJ buddy of mine (and the brilliant author of THE COMPOUND) is having a contest to win an ARC of her next book - THE GARDENER.

I was LUCKY enough to read an early version of this... honored really, and must say it is a fast-paced, very unique story. Very different from the current books lining the shelves. So go over here for a chance to WIN!!!! I'm telling you... this book is GREAT!

http://latteya.livejournal.com/57625.html

Check out this COOL COVER.





(From Stephanie's LJ...)
A couple cool facts about the cover. The art is by Matt Mahurin. (Google him, he's very famous and cool, not to mention talented.) Second, The Gardener is the very first Feiwel and Friends ARC to ever include the cover art, and I'm very honored they chose my book to be the first.
The book will be released in June, so yes, this means you would get to read it six months before it comes out.

What is this YA about, you ask? A bit of the back cover copy:

Mason has never known his father, but longs to. All he has of him is a DVD of a man whose face is never seen, reading a children's book. One day, on a whim, he plays the DVD for a group of comatose teens at the nursing home where his mother works. One of them, a beautiful girl, responds.....